Loss and Grief with the Holidays
The season of Thanksgiving and Christmas is so hard for so many people. Everywhere around us we see messages saying to be happy and celebratory. Yet for so many, if not all of us if we are honest, we have sadness, pain, and grief of some kind. When people ask us how we’re doing, we shove down that pain, put a smile on our face, and say we’re fine, great, or some kind of answer about getting ready for Christmas in our home. But sometimes that just makes our heart hurt worse.
If it’s the first holiday without a loved one, there can be some grace in the world for us. I say some grace because it depends on our social circles. But does it really matter if it’s the first Christmas or tenth since you lost your loved one? No, not really. At some point in the holiday, you are going to miss them and feel the loss of them during your rituals.
Does pain have to just be about a loved one? No. However, that is all we ever seem to be given grace about, so for all the other losses, you had better pull yourself up by your bootstraps and keep moving. This philosophy ends up being harmful.
We need to be given grace and give grace to everyone who is grieving, no matter what the grief is about, and they should not have to share what it is if they don’t want to. All that matters is they are in pain.
What is the difference between loss and grief? Loss is what you actually lost: the loved one, job, car, church, identity, or other things. Grief is the emotion you feel about the loss. This can manifest in seen and unseen ways. And at the holidays it can be magnified.
Even when the world won’t give you grace (love or space), find ways to give yourself this space. When you give yourself 10-30 minutes or an hour to honor these feelings, remember someone, or just breathe mindfully, you are able to enjoy others and the holiday more fully.
Grief is hard. If you are looking for a space with God and a community of faith to set space aside this season, look for a Longest Night service near you. I also encourage you to attend a grief class in the New Year that helps you explore God with our emotions and the difference between what God tells us and what our culture says.
Longest Night Service:
Salem UMC- 6:30 pm
Bring Your favorite mug for a warm beverage
20987 NC-73, Albemarle, NC 28001
